Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
