Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
