Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
