I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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