carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
