Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
