Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
