I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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