I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
