Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
