your parents love me but you hate me
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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