I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
