AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
