I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
