Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Jerry, you need to find god
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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