He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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