I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
