Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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