I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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