I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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