Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
