i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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