Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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