dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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