i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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