There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
