matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
