He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
