dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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