im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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