Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
