when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
