chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
