he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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