watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
