party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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