Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
