My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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