i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
