I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
