I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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