It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
