do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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