NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
