You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
