Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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