____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You're like the curious george of whores
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
