nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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