There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i was born a porn star she said
We left an ass print on the piano.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
