I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
