I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
