It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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