Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
