I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
